There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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