Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
