btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
