Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know her cup size but not her name....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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