as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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