You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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