i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
