I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
