Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
