For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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