He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
