I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
