I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
