Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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