This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
