I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
