My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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