Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
