I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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