my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
