I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
