I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
