my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
