Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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