That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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