Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me

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(713): View more from Texas

well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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(251): View more from Alabama

As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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(804): View more from Virginia

Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.

(615): View more from Tennessee

UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD

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(450): View more from Quebec

Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question

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