I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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