we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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