just tell him i said nine months
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
