lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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