Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
