Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
