all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
