Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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