someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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