How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
