And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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