you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
