so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
