good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The power of my boobs compel you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
