i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
