I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
