and you said cock pushups were impossible
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
