oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
