six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
