Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
then he tried to convert me to islam
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
