i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
