so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
