I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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