i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
