no, he came in my armpit
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
