Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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