i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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