i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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