Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
