Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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