o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
