Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
